Work It Out.

Explaining gets so monotonous.

Socks.

Seriously, I can't wait.

Have a crazy holiday and a coca cola brains Christmas

Titus.

I do enjoy a bit of Titus Andronicus.

-Theme From "Cheers"

Awake.

Sleeping is not available because work stands in the way.
Work is not available because procrastination stands in the way.
Procrastination is available because laziness is present.
Laziness is present because work stands too tall.
Work stands too tall because laziness is present.
Laziness is present because work stands too tall.
Work stands too tall because laziness is present.
Laziness is present because work stands too tall.
Work stands too tall because laziness is present.
Laziness is present because work stands too tall.
Work stands too tall because laziness is present.
Laziness is present because work stands too tall.
Work stands too tall because laziness is present.
Laziness is present because work stands too tall.
Work stands too tall because laziness is present.
Laziness is present because work stands too tall.
Work stands too tall because laziness is present.

Yes.

I often think to myself, "What the fuck am I doing?"

But then I realise, I'm just living.

I think people forget to do that sometimes.

They get caught up with so many problems and dilemmas of such little significance that they forget to live life and just live through their problems and failures instead of their hopes and dreams.

"I could make myself go crazy crying over times I've chased my broken dreams,

but what is life without a dream and even I know dreams can still come true."

Life's what you make it right?

May as well make it full of things that you can look back at and say, "I'm glad I did that".

Well, this is positive!

Impulse.

This is only a little bit crazy, right?

Sky Starts Falling.

The Nothing.

"Because people have begun to lose their hopes and forget their dreams. So the Nothing grows stronger"

-The Never Ending Story (1984)

Broken Dreams Club.

"I know you feel like I do too,
Even though I'm close to you. I can't be what you need,
You're just as lost as me.

I just want to get high but everything keeps bringing me down,
If you know something I don't, come on and help me out.

But I just don't understand how the world keeps going nowhere."

Broken Dreams Club by Girls, from the new mini-album: Broken Dreams Club.
[also listen to "Substance"]

Homework.

-Big Deal - Homework

Looming.

I should probably start eroding this work which is looming over me.
Instead, I am being highly productive and thinking about how awesome it would be to be asleep right now.
Sleep is awesome.
I love sleep.

-Burial - Etched Headplate

Wolves.

"They tumble and fight, and they're beautiful"

Fuck.

I am overwhelmed.
Woah.
This is actually happening.
I can't wait to share this feeling.
Aaaah!
(that was an excited "Aaaah!" - I never do an excited "Aaaah!")

Did you see the words?

Untangle.

My head is beginning to piece back together.
Things are starting to work out in a slightly more logical format.
A lot of this is down to a certain person.
Thank you.

Truth.

A lot can be discovered in this weather.
Especially the truth.

Live.

"This country is my canvas,

I leave paint trails as I go.

I'm painting a picture,

That you can only see from outer space.

My bedroom is your sofa,

I take my breakfast on the train.

I'm tired and I'm dirty, and not a second goes to waste.

I'll be dead but never dying, and I say that with a smile,

It's just my way of trying to be alive.

Well I'll never get to grey hair,

And I'll never be in the black,

But I can tell stories that most can hardly dream.

Dreaming is a luxury,

Like stopping-staring and beauty sleep.

I'll stop when I'm finished,

And sleep is for the weak.

I'll be dead but never dying, and I say that with a smile

It's just my way of trying to be alive.

Heaven's in the half-light, and that's where I reside,

A whiskey and a wry smile,

I check my vital signs.

And when I'm gone,

The worlds revolve, and life goes on,

So mark no grave,

Forget my name.

If the song remains,

And everybody's got a drink and a smile,

Well, that's just fine by me.

I'll be dead but never dying, and I say that with a smile

It's just my way of trying to be alive."

Belief.

Smoke.

This picture is cool.
It snowed the other day.
There is more snow coming.
So.
I bought some coloured smoke bombs.
I can, therefore, recreate this level of "cool".

Obnoxious.

I like obnoxiousness.
Well, in some ways more than others.
You can just get plain fucking annoying obnoxiousness.
Like a group of ten year olds.

Seizure to the Metronome - GOBBLE GOBBLE

Oh yes.

It's been a while.
Let's fucking do this.

Home.

This weekend consists of:

No people.

No disturbances.

Just my failure to work.

Replaced by Pavement, expenditure of my student loan, whiskey & coke and Walkers Sensations.

Fuck, I don't think I ever want to leave.

Now, just to decide whether this is a good thing or not.

Shatter.

Time to smash this work into smithereens.

Absence.

"Presence of Absence" by Matt Lee.

I love irony.

I also love how well this represents the feeling of absence. It really proves how much presence it has.

I feel like it's haunting me.

I'm getting shivers.

Or maybe that's just the weather, it's pretty fucking cold right now.

Warmth.

"Slip into the autumn shade,
I could sleep for days,
But I like the sun when,
I can hear another sound,
It's a long way down,
Keep my head up.

Who am I to be this way?
I've been dreaming so insane,
But I like the sun when,
Falling through another plane,
Never one the same,
Keep my head up."

It's in my hands...

...let's see what happens.

Think 2.

Think.

THINK (verb): to employ one's mind rationally and objectively in evaluating or dealing with a given situation.

I should try that some time.

-No Age - I Wanna Sleep

Sea Talk.

I recommend this album - Stridulum II by Zola Jesus
The song is Sea Talk.

Awake.

I've woken up.
And my God, never have I felt so alive.

Drifting.

Am I drifting?
Is the current too strong?
Or is the current calm, yet less... collective?

DIRT.

"DIRT; AN HONEST, AUTHENTIC EXPRESSION OF LIFE EXPERIENCE, A RAWNESS IN OPPOSITON TO ARTIFICIAL PERFECTION. CONCERND WITH UNCONDITIONED PRIMATIVE EMOTIONS; I.E PAIN, HAPPINESS. THROUGH THE LONESOME KID DEGRATION OF LYF, DIRT IS OFTEN OUTLAWED, UNWANTED, CONTINUALLY SANITISED AND REPLACED BY ARTIFICIAL OBJECTS; COMMODITIES THAT PROVIDE ONLY HOLLOW FULFILMENT. RATHER THAN OPPOSING THE DIRT, CELEBRATE AND EMBRACE THE WEIGHT."

-World Unite Lucifer Youth Foundation

LYF.

You're Wrong.

Freedom.

Freedom (noun): To ask nothing. To expect nothing. To depend on nothing.

Boring.

Everything is so predictable.

Don't buy the realistic.

Am off to see Spoon after uni tonight.
This completely slipped my mind - I only just remembered.
This is one of my favourite Spoon songs, from my favourite Spoon album - Telephono.

For once spending a Tuesday night outside of the library. Excitement. Ha.

I figured earlier, I spend more time in two specific places than I spend at home these days.
(one of them better than the other)

If I could just leave my body for the night...

I'm trying.

Astral Projection is seeming more and more possible.

-Animal Collective - In the flowers

Live and Die.

Tired old youth burnt right out.

"Your heart is cold as ice girl,
I should know I've been to the north pole.
Your soul is black as death girl,
I should know I have crossed the threshold.
Your style is such a mess girl,
I should know I used to date a stylist.

Still, my heart sweats.

X, O, X, O, X, X, O, X.

Some hearts bleed.

Our hearts sweat."

-Japandroids - Heart Sweats

Ever feel like...

The person you thought knew you inside out, doesn't actually know a thing about you?

I could tear them apart.

I won't.

But I could.

Panic!

I really need to start to panic actually.
I work best under pressure, but every time i complete something at the last minute, at the last moment - the next time it takes longer for the pressure to hit me. It takes longer for me to panic.
I always finish though. I always meet deadlines.
It's just, if it takes longer and longer for me to begin to panic each time, maybe one day i just won't panic, the pressure won't hit me.

It won't be about: "Don't Panic"
It will be about "Won't Panic"
That concerns me.

Veins.

I like trees.

Reality.

"Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them."

- Noel Fielding

Care

"I want this world to think i care, I don't care at all."

My head hurts. My mind is absent.

Had a very interesting time last night. It was a very good night. However, it has left me with a feeling that I left my mind somewhere, maybe I left it in the pub, I did have that feeling - you know that feeling you get where you're positive you've forgotten something but you just can't quite put your finger on it? I feel I'm a little bit less sane.

If someone sees my mind wondering around anywhere, please return it.

My mind does tend to wonder.

Where is my mind?

"Your head will collapse, but there's nothing in it, and you'll ask yourself...

Where is my mind?"

Hey, Cool Kid.

- Hey Cool Kid - Cloud Nothings

Excitement.

I do like a challenge.

Maybe.

I'm bored.

"I'm changing this place,

I wanna feel at home,

I'm gonna feel at home,

But darling now, stay,

I wanna feel at home,

Wanna feel at home,

At night,

In the dead light,

Once more,

And I'll stay tight,

It's all my money gone,

It's out there,

And you did,

Like my brother said"

- Wu Lyf - Heavy Pop (interpretation)

Instigation

This feeling of complacency has bored me already.

I'm hoping for some excitement.
Or at least for something interesting to happen.
Although I'm pretty sure the only place hope got anybody was disappointment.
I guess I'll have to influence this myself.
Where shall I start?
Hmmm...

More

More.
I've always wanted more.
Whenever it gets to the point where i am happy, i always seem to find myself asking for more, or just destroying it.

Destruction can be good though.
And even when it's not.
I usually enjoy it.

However, at the moment, i'm really... content.
I don't want more.


The music in this short film is tragically perfect.

Manipulation.

It's messy.

But it's worth it.

Crave

I was thinking the other day, how i've always craved for the impossible to happen - for physics to be completely rewritten, for gravity's pull to fluctuate, for wood to melt, for music to be tasted, for the sky to turn black.

For everything you have been told to be a lie.

For reality to fuck up right in front of your eyes.

For life to doubt itself.

I do

Care to join me?

Hallows Eve

My Halloween costume for tonight:

Psycho Duck likes bread:

This made a child cry.

Fuck yes.